I loved finding this fun tough-guy pic posted by kid #3 on instagram. “Going on a run with my bro.”
If you have more than one child, you probably have singling squabbles too. With 4 boys at home that are all in that 12-18 range where the testosterone flare-ups come along more frequently, things get ‘interesting’ every now and then.
Yes, they generally get along. We have a lot of fun. But anytime you spend most of your life hanging out with the same people all the time, stuff can get on your nerves. AmIright?!
In the last few months there has been a flare up of conflict between kids #3 and #6. It was strange, because they haven’t normally had this problem, but there it was. For awhile there it seemed like every day I was being pulled aside by one or the other of them because they wanted to tell me that I needed to clue the other one in on his behavior, or how the other had hurt his feelings or aggravated him.
My general approach to this is to try to understand the issue, and encourage each person in how they can take responsibility for their own side of the conflict, and give them ideas to go forward with harmony. NOT THAT THIS IS ALWAYS WELL-RECEIVED, you know. (Because, of course, they want me to MAKE HIM STOP THAT immediately. ha. If only!) But that’s how I roll.
Well, these two struggled for a few months. And then it simmered down as they seemed to kind of ignore each other. And then….something really cool happened.
A common interest took root!
Kid #6 realized that he’s interested in running. Kid #3 is a fitness enthusiast who plans to become a personal trainer. He eats, drinks, and lives health and physical fitness. He *loves* to have an opportunity to share what he’s learned and help other people with their fitness goals. Next thing you know, kid #6 is asking kid #3 to go with him to pick out new running shoes. They even bought matching arm bands. 🙂 They have been out running together, with #3 showing #6 the proper stretches to do, and teaching him how to pace himself on those runs.
The first day I took them out for a run and got to see them jogging along beside each other, laughing and encouraging, the younger brother respecting and accepting the advice his older brother was sharing, the older one helping the younger with his questions and concerns…..wow! My heart was like -POW!- Harmony! There is was on the running path ahead of me. Parenting payday, as my friend Julie at BraveWriter likes to say. 🙂
At this age, guys are all having this uprising of their manliness. Everybody wants to be top dog. They want to know things and be respected for knowing things. They want leadership opportunities. They want other guys to see them for the cool people they are. And yet, when they are all wrapped up in protecting and advancing themselves, it’s hard to see the greatness of somebody else. You know? So when they can enjoy something together, and respect that the other one has something valuable to offer, it’s a win-win.
This experience gave me a new layer of understanding how to help my boys. Common interests are a great way to encourage them toward appreciating each other. That’s what grown guys do too, right? They hang with their hunting buddy or the guy who also likes to fix up cars or who they can go fishing with. So whether it’s one sib helping the other get past that tough level on their favorite video game, or showing them how to make that all-net shot on the basketball court, it seems like a great way to help them find a natural way to find common ground and get past the “I hate the way he breathes” state of being that can set in at home. Take ’em to the park, go for a hike, let them stay up a little later to bond over their victories on Destiny, clear off a table so they can play Settlers, spend the money on the new running shoes. Fostering these common interests and setting the stage so good stuff can happen is well worth the investment.
Parenting paydays don’t come around all the time, but when they do, they feel good and give us the fuel we need to keep going, don’t they? Have you had a parenting win lately? Tell me about it in the comments!
Keep going, moms! You got this.
[mashshare]
